Unlike Ling, I haven’t got round to reading literature about bringing up kids, preferring instead to go with instincts and observations. One thing I take a small amount of pride in is teaching Hannah words, and they’ve included saying ‘sorry’ (though she’s still yet to fully understand the meaning of that word) and ‘morning’ – and many others like ‘bye’ that are less clear whom between the two of us actually had the more instrumental hand in teaching her that particular word!
I’ve been able to take a few days of leave now and then this June school holidays, and one thing I really enjoy doing is to be the parent who wakes and picks her up first in the morning, where we’ll enjoy family time playing on the bed. That’s when she’s at her most perky and chirpy too, as the photos here will tell:
We’ve had some updates along the learning to manage her tantrums too, or more specifically, a special activity that so far has never yet failed to stop her from crying when her mood strikes. Will blog about it later in the week. =)
Hi, I was looking @ ur blog for baby recipe. I don’t really know how to cook so always looking for baby recipe which is easy for me, and yet nutrition for my boy (13mths old).
By the way, could u share w me wat is the activity to control hannah’s tantrum?
My boy always throw tantrum, cranky n cry everyday. I really don’t know what to do. Hope to get some tips n advise from u. Thanks.
Hi Yen,
I’d let my hubby reply to you on the ‘activity’ that helped calm Hannah :P
Toddlers are all so different and so what works for one may not work for the other. However, there are some general guidelines which experts recommend for parents and caregivers. I came across this website http://www.babyzone.com/toddler/toddler_development/whining_tantrums/tame-tantrums/article/tame-tantrums-week-1 on taming tantrums which was helpful to me when dealing with Hannah’s outbursts. I printed some of the tips in large font size and pasted them on my refrigerator to keep them handy and esp when my brain juice is low.
A few ideas here for starters. 1) Understand the cause of his tantrum as different types of tantrum require different approach. Is he experiencing teething discomfort? Is his environment too warm? Does he want to cling onto his mommy all the time? Was he denied of an object he just laid his hands on? 2) Shift to low emotional gear and stay close to your boy. 3) Use simple words to describe his feelings and your expectations (firmly, clearly and quickly) 4) Let him be angry / cry 5) Use distraction, e.g. give him something new which he has not touch before, e.g. a bowl and spoon, a cheap necklace, a CD case, pencil and paper 6) Give him plenty of time to calm but still stay close to him. 7) Tell him that a good boy doesn’t behave in a certain way.
A 13th month old baby wouldn’t be able to understand much of what we say but I believe he could read your expressions and feel your emotions. And consistency is important. Don’t give in, e.g. to allow him to play with dangerous objects, esp when he cries even louder.
Regardless of the host of methods available out there, having great patience and time to deal with tantrums are necessary. In my experience with Hannah, she knows that I still care for her after our many ‘tug-of-wars’ as I gave her time and space to ventilate and well, I do reprimand her for bad behaviours (if any), made her say “sorry, mommy” and then I’d hug her and repeat again what’s acceptable / unacceptable behaviour in simple language.
For us, it is getting easier to reason with Hannah the older she gets.
Hi Yen,
My experience, but it’s shared too with Ling:
– We’ve had a lot of luck quietening Hannah down simply by going with actions familiar to her and those that see her doing something else rather than cry. For example, passing her a tissue paper for her to blow her nose. This has been extremely successful; she knows how to blow her nose, and it breaks the cycle of her cry fest. So it goes like this:
a) Hannah cries over something
b) We let her cry for a minute or so to see if she’ll stop on her own
c) If she doesn’t, we pass her a tissue box. She sees it, takes a tissue, blows her nose. And is distracted long enough for her to forget crying.
– Certain trigger words that imply that we’re going to spend time with her doing something she really enjoys. The one we’ve had a lot of luck with is the iPad, and that we’ve taught her to associate a ‘keyword’ with this device. The keyword BTW is ‘in-kids’ (the studio which makes one of her favorite apps on it).
So, it goes like this:
a) Hannah goes into a cry fest.
b) After a minute if she doesn’t stop, we’ll just tell her that let’s play ‘in-kids’.
c) She cheers up immediately. =)
Only thing here is that it’s a promise to her, so we’ll need to actually engage in this activity. Also, as with all these electronic gadgets, we don’t want her getting too addicted to it that denial of access to these gadgets itself becomes another source of tantrums for her.
These two have helped a lot with calming Hannah down. Hope it works for you too. =)
Hi Ling n CY,
Hi Ling n CY,
Today he threw a huge tantrum during dinner in a restaurant. He started to get cranky not even halfway thru his dinner n kept pointing to the glass of coke. We transferred the straw to a glass of water. Initially he was happily drinking it. After he had enough, he started to use the straw to play with the water. We stop him n put it away. He begun to cry. Gave him other things , he didn’t want. We gave him the straw but he wanted the glass of water too. We didn’t allow. He cried very loudly, threw away the straw n BANG the table furiously. This is the 1st time he threw such a huge tantrum.
Thanks for ur tips n advise. I’ll give it a try n hope it’ll works for him
Hi Yen,
We emphathise with you and your hubby! We would be at our wits’ end if Hannah did that. So far, distractions have worked for her especially when Yang mentioned ‘In kids’ (the kiddo programme which Hannah loved to play on his iPad). Her mood would change immediately. But we have been careful to dangle the carrot for as long as necessary and sometimes she forgot all about wanting to play on the iPad when we offered her food. Perhaps the interactiveness of iPad really got her hooked.
Something came to mind when you described your boy’s outburst. Have you tried teaching him to use sign language to express himself? It might be able to help him transfer his energy to concentrating on communicating through hand signaling besides crying. There are a number of websites out there on baby sign language (e.g. http://www.babies-and-sign-language.com/).
I’m currently reading this book on positive discipline and there’s this interesting approach to deal with demanding children. You offer limited options to them. E.g. “Which item do you wish to play with? The cup or the straw? You decide.” I tried this on Hannah just now when she insisted on bringing a cup and a bottle as toys for bathing. To my surprise, she ended up choosing one option and parted the other. :)