Our confinement nanny finished her month long stint with us on Sunday – just before Hannah’s birthday bash.
A few weeks before this though, Ling was undecided about whether to continue engaging the nanny or not beyond the four weeks she was with us. After all, she did nearly burn down our kitchen LOL and Ling was getting real tired of confinement food by the third day she was with us.
On balance though, I think her presence, assistance and sunny attitude really helped Ling a lot, so we did make the right decision to at least have the nanny helping us in the first month.
As for extending her stay and period of assistance, I told Ling that the additional cost of hire for two more weeks wasn’t an issue. Rather, what we had to remember was that any assistance provided by the nanny was only temporary. Eventually, we’ll have to learn how to take care of Hannah on our own, whether it was from the 5th or the 19th July onwards.
One of those decisions we’ve kept to in the first 2.7 years of our marriage is that we’d really rather not have home helper assistance to handle the household chores. I do house cleaning and the more physical (and menial) chores on weekends, and until my back starts acting up again, will continue doing so. So the maid option and weekend cleaning services weren’t on the table for us for the time being.
Mum did graciously ask Ling to consider moving to Lentor for at least the first couple of weeks after the nanny had left. That was a very attractive option – Ling wouldn’t have to worry about meals for certain, and she’d definitely benefit from getting more rest in between feeds.
But I felt we should really try managing this on our own first and not turn to parents / in-laws as a first response.
—
The first day – on Monday 6th July – was hell though. Hannah had ‘wind’ in her stomach from not having burped properly, and bawling all day.
We were suffering from (as Sharon our sister-in-law calls it) FTS, or ‘First Timer Syndrome’. Ling was alone at home (she hates being alone at home, with or without baby), and didn’t have time for lunch or to rest.
We got so worried that when I got back home from work, we raced to our Pediatrician at Rivervale Mall, only to return home after learning that it would had been a three hour wait to see the doctor.
Ling was looking both rather resigned and at her wits end from Hannah’s brawling even after two feeds in a row. So we had a mini-family conference, and I told Ling a couple of things: that evenings and weekends won’t be a problem because I’d be at home, and I’ll supply the dinners on all nights. It’s the lunches and day events and which she’ll need moral support and a bit of help at least to maintain her sanity. I listed down all the persons she can consider getting help from during the day hours and to put those numbers on speed dial: parents, Doreen, Jasmine and cousin Ying Jia.
So, many phone calls and SMSes later, we think we’ve worked out a plan of assistance for the coming days. Parents came by with lunch for Ling on Tuesday yesterday, Doreen’s coming on Wednesday to Friday, and Jas will be coming next week. And Sharon’s providing advice too on Facebook mail LOL.
We feel really blessed to be able to receive help in this first week until we’re over FTS at least.
Blogged for Hannah to read one day when she gets older.:)
Babies are terrifying . . .
Teenagers even more so.
At least so far, that’s my experience. I’ll let you know for sure when Garrett begins to learn to drive (which is only about a year away). If he does so as crazily as he rides his bike, I think it’s safe to say that all the neighborhood parents will agree with me. Heck, we might decide to stuff our teenagers back into a crib until their 21st birthdays!
But seriously, it sounds like you two have everything well in hand. You’ll grow more confident by the day, and the days will be precious to look back on!
An aside: I hope Hannah learns to love durians and cempedaks.
really respect you for not turning to parents and in laws as the first response. that’s precisely why chris and i r not keen to have a kid cos we feel that caring for and raising a kid is our responsibility and unless we r able to let me stay home, we’d rather not. i just find the whole idea of singaporeans leaving their kids at their parents’ for the whole day and only seeing them at night weird. but living on single income means major lifestyle changes which we’re not really prepared to do. having a domestic helper is also weird for me cos i have never had one… it’s a stranger living in your house. just some singaporean practices i find weird…
but i think you guys are doing well ^^ chris was commenting that you guys r cool to have a birthday bash amidst H1N1 scares cos some parents will freak out about letting too many people come into contact with their kid. kudos to you!
as for BS, don’t worry about it la… you guys settle down first ^^ pris n i r fine having tete a tete over mani-pedi when there are only two of us =P
matt, how about the part when hannah brings home her boyfriend who rides a bike crazily? LOL
Hey there…good to hear that you have a system for getting lunch for Ling cos it can be very difficult juggling cooking with babycare; in fact, it can be very challenging juggling housework with babycare, esp ironing, unless you keep expectations very very low (I have a friend who manages 3 kids- no maid, all home schooled- they iron only once a month and only their sunday best; dinner is mostly leftovers from lunch, and usually simple and steamed; when very stretched, meals are sandwiches)
Thing is- you and Ling need to decide what kind of lifestyle you can live with and what you can’t (I have blogged about this topic before some months back- I think it’s titled the SAHM- a female perspective; my friend also contributed a male perspective) ….
True, it’s not entirely fair to dump the whole burden of childrearing on grandparents, not least cos they are older and have less energy (although that being said, they may also want to feel like they can get involved sometimes, esp if they used to work and didn’t get the chance to raise their own kids in their time)
The issue of maids i often misunderstood…. they need me as much as I need them. I mean, the job gives them a chance to break out of the poverty cycle back home. I actually see it as a form of ministry that I am (I try my best to be) a good employer. After 4 rounds, I am also able to manage them better, so I have evolved my own personal style of being quite firm (and setting fairly standards for housework, service etc) but also being kind (I see to their welfare as women, they get day offs, bonuses, perks, care packages home etc). In return, I am relieved of the more menial tasks so I can concentrate on the more “higher order” aspects of parenting- spending quality time with the kids, playing with them, educating them; I still get involved in the laborious stuff sometimes (bathing, feeding, changing diaper, doing sleep routine), but I can take a break and leave the house for supper with A after the kids have slept if I need to, or we can have our date nights on Sat in peace, knowing our kids are well looked after in our absence (my mum is only over in the weekdays).
Most pple who do without maid/part-time help (or even those with) opt for half-day full day childcare (I know some families with wife at home who also do that), cos eventually, everyone needs a break, and there comes a time (around 3) when the kids’ social/ educational needs so expands that even the parents and family members can’t meet it anymore in its entirety.