Am taking a breather from the 3rd week of confinement. (Confinement period seems to last forever here!)
The confinement food is driving me nuts. After a while, even the most nutritious food such as steamed fish is nauseating. Sigh. Although I’m looking forward to its end, I’m also going to enter the 2nd month of many unknowns and challenges – no more helper! The confinement nanny has been a great help but I want to run the house my way. Yang says that I’m a cleanliness freak. Many friends who have been through this journey told me in advance that it was a very tiring process for them after delivery and how a helper/care-giver really come in handy.
My well-meaning mother and aunts have been stressing me up initially. They were full of do’s and don’ts for the confinement period. And because I persisted in doing certain things the way which I think is proper and sane, there had been some tension in the air whenever they visit. Yang has been my moral support all this while – which I’m very thankful for. Guys outta there, I have this message for ya: Be prepared to be a pillar of support to your wives, a strong shoulder to cry on, during the confinement period.
After the tension has somewhat eased, I hit another road block. Hannah cannot get enough milk from breast-feeding alone. Then it was tug-of-war with the confinement nanny as to how much formula milk to supplement. I’m worried that too much bottle-feeding will cause Hannah to become lazy at sucking from my breasts. It took me sometime to break out of my fears to see that it is more important to ensure that Hannah has a full tummy than which type of milk fills the tummy. Both breast and formula milk have their pros and cons. Of course, breast milk is best where nutrition, convenience and cost (oh yes, it is very expensive) are concerned. But feeding formula milk reduces actual feeding time, gives the mother more time to rest in between feeds and the baby sleeps longer throughout the night.
I also went to see a lactation consultant about my milk supply problem. Basically, I have to down more fluids (e.g. soups, red dates drink and milk), rest more and take a prescribed herbal supplement. Hannah’s weight gain has not been ideal. Hence, the consultant recommended that we supplement about 6 times of formula milk per day.
Going back to my apprehensiveness about managing on my own once the confinement lady has left. The confinement nanny did good as she made an effort to pass me tips on managing a crying baby, taught me how to prepare nutritious meals and stocked up the refrigerator with items for me to use for cooking.
I hope that Hannah will get used to me soon. She likes the confinement nanny as she really has a way with babies. Hannah would smile at her whenever the confinement nanny play with her, tell her stories and sing to her. Talk about this mother being jealous! Ha ha.
Despite it all, it sounds like you’re hanging in there superbly. And I don’t doubt the degree to which you’re suffering, Ling, but let me say that steamed fish sounds really good to me right about now. I bet I wouldn’t be saying that if I had to eat it every day, though. . . .
I can’t wait to see Hannah in person!
Thanks, Matt! I’m hanging on there…between comatose and comatose, hee hee. :P
my colleague says papaya soup helps. maybe u can try. hang in there =) will pray for you.
I’ve been drinking copious amount of papaya soup. :(
Hey Ling….just want to comfort and encourage you that everything you are going through is very normal…
Firstly, post preg hormones are very real- they will also make you more sensitive than usual, maybe even weepy at times, esp if pple around you don’t give you space, or do smtg unthoughtful, even I unwittingly…
You will feel tension coming from your own mum, mil and assorted female relatives because everyone will suddenly have smtg to say or some theory on infant care that they must foister on you with great urgency…. It’s impt to be very open with CY about what makes you uncomfortable and get him to intercede on your behalf to tell gently others to back off and let you all learn to handle things your way as a family….your status as a separate autonomous family and your authority as parents, will gradually be smtg the grandparents esp, have to come to accept.
As for the breastfeeding thing- just do what is comfortable, taking into account also your needs for rest and your family’s overall needs. Let me share my experience. I managed to bf Ashley for 6 months exclusively (pumping out at night), until she self weaned and we switched to a soy based formula (she is allergic to cow milk protein). I pumped for one more month (my gynae also said by 3 to 4 months, breast milk itself not nutritious enough and baby needed to start weaning to semi solids). Although I was at home, it was not easy. I had to watch my diet, fluid intake, timing etc. I was never a big ‘producer’, and always only had enough to cover a 48 hour time frame, unlike some of my relatives who could start whole dairies from their kitchen freezer alone. I was never comfortable bfing outside so I bottle fed pumped milk (there was no nipple confusion).
For Ethan though I had to formula feed from the start cos the bfing could not take off. The suckling was much stronger and it caused cracking and bleeding – and by the time I was rested and healed on day 3, he had grown used to the taste of the formula, that he refused a full breast feed which I had painstakingly pumped out. His appetite was also so big he kept having to supplement full feeds even after bfing for 45 min, right from the start. We then made a decision to full formula feed him, cos we felt that a more important thing for me was to rest and recover fast, and not be stuck with pumping out milk all day long, so I could deal with both kids and focus on integrating them and easing sibling tension (bfing can be very threatening for the older child, esp direct bfing)
Healthwise, I don’t really see a difference. Both kids got slight cold only after 6 months and honestly, Ethan iniatially bypassed certain bouts of flu that even his sister got (he became more susceptible even when he started playgroup at 10 months- we have since stopped that). In fact, Ashley was a bit thin at first few weeks when the bfing was being sorted out, whereas Ethan steadily gained pounds from day one cos formula feeding was more consistent.
My point is, bfing experiences are different, even for diff kids from same family. I have always felt it was very wrong for the La Leche League pple to overly push breastfeeding, though I concede there are advantages, of course. The mistake is the over zealous bfing camp, always make it sound like you are a bad or incompetent mother if you cant bf or have insufficient milk, or want to supplement. It is already challenging enough to be a new mother- there is no need to add on to the emotional toll by being taken on unnecessary guilt trips. At the end of the day, the child’s health does not depend on breast milk alone. There are many other factors, not least praying and appropriating God’s protection over the child’s life.
As for the baby preferring the confinemt nanny now- that’s just natural but also very temporary. At this stage, they simply veer towards who is more experienced/ comfortable at handling them. Your confinement person should be sensitive to you as well. I didn’t like mine, cos she said things in a screechy voice in Mandarin like “Oh, you don’t like your mummy to carry you is it?” on day one when I was struggling to get used to carrying the baby whilst still recovering from my episiotomy.
My first maid helped me with Ashley’s sleep routine for the first 2 years. After she left, Ashley did not even miss her for one single hour, and within a few days, even forgot her name. The kids instinctively knows (from early infancy) who her mummy and daddy are; they know from very young who the various ppl in the house are and what their roles are; they know who are permanent (their family members) and who are transcient (maids) so they know who to get emotionally attached to—kids are extremely smart and very ‘live’ to the power dynamics in the household. This is esp so as baby grows bigger and more cognizant. That’s why now, with my son, I am much more relaxed. Much of the physically laborious child care part is being handled by the maid, but he is still extremely sayang with me, and would even refuse her sometimes. He is equally very pally with his daddy, who sees him even less frequently and does virtually no baby care. I just know, based on experience, that at the end of the day (as with my daughter), he will not confuse me with the maids.
So take heart, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Over the months and years, you will find yourself getting stronger, more assertive, more sure of what you want and what you want for your child and your family. That’s what motherhood does. It changes you….in a good way. :)
Don’t mind all the typos….. heehee I was typing really fast…;p
Hey Pam,
Thank you so much for sharing your motherhood experiences. I’m very much encouraged indeed! :)
I was also recovering from episiotomy like you initially. It also added to the discomfort during confinement period.
Geez, I’m envious of those mothers who have their own diary farms. But I should be just thankful in all things. God’s ways are higher than ours.
Take care and God bless :)
I just gave birth to no.2 (a boy this time) on 17th July and was again hit by the same confinement and breastfeeding blues as was the case for no.1. Hence i revisted your post which had given me much comfort back then (don’t know if u still rem)
I thought with no.2 I would be able to total breastfeed finally since they claimed it gets easier with subsequent babies. But it was not meant to be and again it is ending up like i am supplementing formula with breastmilk and not the other way round. Only this time I have come to accept the sad reality much faster as there is simply no energy left to fight it with a 2-year old toddler in tow. I would
really like to know WHY I just can’t breastfeed though, for closure. It is an anatomical issue? Such as insufficient glandular tissue? Or hormonal? I wish I knew. Did the lactation consultation tell you the reason? I get upset when people assume it’s because I didn’t try hard enough.
Will Hannah be getting a sibling in future as well? :) Reading abt hannah so often makes me feel like I know her so very well. My husband and I often muse that if we ever bumped into hannah in public one day we would yelp n go wild coz she’s like a little celebrity to us!
Heya LisC; Hannah picked up a cold yesterday night, and wailed loud enough to bring down the house three times during the night. I slept like the dead throughout, but Ling got up all three times! She’s become quite a prima donna in our house. =)
At least she was still relatively chirpy this morning.=)
Haha who was still chirpy? Ling or Hannah??
Hannah, though shortly thereafter on when we brought her to her Nanny’s, she made a din and had separation anxieties. Unusual.=)
Hi LisaC,
Congrats on your no. 2! :D In Chinese, one girl (女) and one boy (子) put together means good (好)! Blessings! :)
I’m sorry to hear about your struggle over breastfeeding. :( I only remember that my lactation consultation remarked that only some women naturally don’t have enough breastmilk. As I look back now, I would have told myself it was okay and don’t get so emo over my poor milk production. Indeed, there are so many other factors that will shape the child’s success and breastmilk plays only one teeny weeny part in it. I’d just keep the child away from places and persons where diseases are likely to spread and give her good formula milk. That would be giving my best shot already liao.
We’re more or less decided on having only one kid. Yang thinks that I can’t handle more than one. Hee hee. I have been told by countless folks on the benefits of having at least 2 kids. Sigh. I don’t think I have the stamina to pull through…not getting any younger!
Press on ya! Do try to enlist your toddler to be your little helper and I’m sure she would feel involved and useful in the family :D